I love you all!
well! this week has been super duper interesting! the challenges of this sector continue to be just so confusing and abnormal to me! but thats ok! i continue to trust the Lord to guide my paths based on my personal worthiness and effort! he has never failed me! and i know he never will! i choose to use the statement that i hated SOOOOO much a little less than two years ago when i had the accident with my knee... "everything happens for a reason" its the way it is. im supposed to learn from this situation. and i am! im learning lots and lots.
This week i am grateful! i have no idea what im doing! but i am grateful for the experiences that i have had that have taught me about life. especially for my mother who taught me constantly about communication and its importance in healthy relationships, and for experiences with friends that have only served to strengthen that knowledge. its at least a base to be able to work through it. i am also grateful that i have learned through many experiences that you cant and shouldnt try to control people, and that its important for them to do their thing. invitations are good, obligations are bad. and if the other person doesnt accept the invitation, all is well. I feel incredibly calm through this whole process, when i start to gt angry, God has given me the ability to swallow it almost imediately. not even my face has time to react to the emotion before its calmed and gone. Im also grateful that God will guide me. if i search for the help it will be there. im certain that the lord has prepared me to be able to handle this path.
All of that being said, faith without works is dead so... i have faith that i will be guided, if anyone has advice on how they have been able to deal with problems, it will be warmly welcomed! I thought that we were good, he had been strugling a bit but i felt that the companionship was good, but now... he wont talk to me unless it is completely necesarry. so planning, comp study, conversation about investigators... is all gone. he is there... but he refuses to talk to me at all unless he has to say a prayer or he has something necessary. I would understand a bit more if we had fought... but we havent. at all. i literally cant think of why he would be so mad at me all of the sudden... i dont want to be all holy and such but honestly i have searched, prayed to know, everything. i cant think of what i did. with other people he is happy and talks, but never to me if its avoidable... and when we are alone... way less. so, i do know that he has a problem with me. but, i dont know what it is or how to fik it. (mom, you have full permission to edit or delete this paragraph based on your judgement. i tried to be fair and loving and not bash at all, but i would like help with this so... yeah, if it sounds like im saying bad stuff about my comp. you can cut it. that is not my intention in the slightest.)
But yea! im super happy! i love missionary work! i am calmy walking forward with faith in Christ. i have had lots of time to pray and meditate while we walk... and i just want you all to know. God lives. he isnt just a figure. he is there. he affects our lives. he works us and molds us. Christ came to earth! he suffered for our sins! this is real! He knows how to help us through EVERYTHING. this isnt just something to believe in. this is REAL! if we believe it, we must live it, if we live it, we will believe it more. this is TRUE! i wish i could show it to you by my tone of voice and intesity but... i just know. passing belief. passing words. GOD IS!
well, my comp just finished so i have to finish up right now :) love you all tons and tons! take care!